Until quite recently, roles for men and women were fixed and quite clearly defined. Men were supposed to put bread on the table. Women, are supposed to be at home and mind the kids.
Times have changed.
Today, these roles are quite diffused. A close male friend is a full-time home-maker while his wife has a full-time job. Chances are today, if you are a female, you are more educated, and have a full-time job, and possibly command a higher income than your mother.
Perhaps this is a time for men to embrace their inner femininity and for women, their inner masculinity. By this I don’t mean sex – which is the anatomy of a person. I mean, gender.
Each of us, man or woman, possesses both inner masculine and inner feminine qualities. The search for purpose, mission and initiative summarise the core of masculine qualities. For the feminine, the longing for love and tenderness is the essence.
Men, it takes a lot of courage, but it is okay to reveal your feminine, tender side. Women, you may not feel too comfortable, but try to take lead using your masculinity to bond with your man.
Recently, a friend said that he was very touched when his wife surprised him with a sandwich for lunch at his office. She had a lunch appointment, and took the effort to pack a sandwich for him before that. She said, “Darling, I know that you would be too busy to eat, so I packed this sandwich for you!” The husband replied, “I must be the luckiest person in the world!” Then she said, “Who is luckier – you or me?”
The wife said that she was lucky because he took the effort to be tender toward her, using his feminine essence to bond with her. When she felt loved, she showed initiative (her inner masculine essence) to pack lunch for her husband.
I think this couple shows a beautiful dance piece. Sometimes he leads, and at other times, she leads. It is a dance of flow – a dance that brings out the beauty of each of the essence.
Ladies, are you waiting to be invited for a dance? Take the first step and invite your partners, your guys will love it!
Gentlemen, show the tender side of you to your partners. Be surprised at what would happen.
Remember, there is a complementary essence within you. Harness it, and you will live life more fully.
Enjoy!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The ABCs of Success
Accept people as who they are and not for what you want them to be
Believe in yourself
Change is the only constant
Don’t give up
Enjoy this moment
Failure is one step toward success
Grow up, not old
Hope always
I am the most important person in the world
Just do it!
Keep going
Laugh always
Make things happen
Never look back with regret
Open your eyes widely
Practise kindness no matter how you are treated
Quit is not a word that describes you
Relax, things will soon change
Surprise others by your generosity
Turn problems into potential
Understand yourself to understand others
Visualise success
Wonder more than worry
X-factor it: outward beauty reflects inward joy
You-win, I-win
Zeal gives energy.
Believe in yourself
Change is the only constant
Don’t give up
Enjoy this moment
Failure is one step toward success
Grow up, not old
Hope always
I am the most important person in the world
Just do it!
Keep going
Laugh always
Make things happen
Never look back with regret
Open your eyes widely
Practise kindness no matter how you are treated
Quit is not a word that describes you
Relax, things will soon change
Surprise others by your generosity
Turn problems into potential
Understand yourself to understand others
Visualise success
Wonder more than worry
X-factor it: outward beauty reflects inward joy
You-win, I-win
Zeal gives energy.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Women Are Important
March 8th is International Women’s Day. This post is especially for you, women!
The world would be different without women. Think of Florence Nightingale, Mother Theresa and Rosa Parks. These women changed the world.
In 1963, a woman was passed over for a promotion in favour of a man whom she had trained. Frustrated, she retired and founded Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc. for the purpose of enriching women’s lives. Today, Mary Kay Cosmetics has more than 800,000 representatives from 38 countries, with Singapore being the latest addition, with its first anniversary this week. Mary Kay Ash Charity Foundation seeks to fight against family violence and cancers affecting women.
According to Mary Kay, everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, “Make me feel important.”
To the women reading this blog, know that you are important.
Along my life’s journey, I have worked with hundreds of women – ranging from young girls, to independent career women, to single mothers, to victims of family violence. A lot of these women are, to say the least, very intelligent, capable and beautiful. However, a common factor I see in them is their lack of confidence.
Women, don’t believe it when people say that you are slow and stupid. Do not believe the lie when they say you are not capable of showing leadership.
Do not be afraid when your husband shouts at you because he is equally or more afraid, or else he would not shout at you to exert his strength.
You are important – inside and out. The best thing you could do to yourself is to love yourself as who you are. You do not need validation from people around you. Once you love yourself, your confidence will show in a form of a quiet assurance. And people will respect you more.
Look at yourself in the mirror today and say, “I love you for who you are! You are important!”
And as you carry the quiet dignity within you, do not allow people to push you around. Like Mary Kay, refuse to be a victim, seek to be proactive. Make a difference.
But for now, know that you are important. And celebrate.
Because today is your day, do something to show that you are important – to yourself.
And cherish the time you have – to yourself!
The world would be different without women. Think of Florence Nightingale, Mother Theresa and Rosa Parks. These women changed the world.
In 1963, a woman was passed over for a promotion in favour of a man whom she had trained. Frustrated, she retired and founded Mary Kay Cosmetics, Inc. for the purpose of enriching women’s lives. Today, Mary Kay Cosmetics has more than 800,000 representatives from 38 countries, with Singapore being the latest addition, with its first anniversary this week. Mary Kay Ash Charity Foundation seeks to fight against family violence and cancers affecting women.
According to Mary Kay, everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, “Make me feel important.”
To the women reading this blog, know that you are important.
Along my life’s journey, I have worked with hundreds of women – ranging from young girls, to independent career women, to single mothers, to victims of family violence. A lot of these women are, to say the least, very intelligent, capable and beautiful. However, a common factor I see in them is their lack of confidence.
Women, don’t believe it when people say that you are slow and stupid. Do not believe the lie when they say you are not capable of showing leadership.
Do not be afraid when your husband shouts at you because he is equally or more afraid, or else he would not shout at you to exert his strength.
You are important – inside and out. The best thing you could do to yourself is to love yourself as who you are. You do not need validation from people around you. Once you love yourself, your confidence will show in a form of a quiet assurance. And people will respect you more.
Look at yourself in the mirror today and say, “I love you for who you are! You are important!”
And as you carry the quiet dignity within you, do not allow people to push you around. Like Mary Kay, refuse to be a victim, seek to be proactive. Make a difference.
But for now, know that you are important. And celebrate.
Because today is your day, do something to show that you are important – to yourself.
And cherish the time you have – to yourself!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Be Yourself
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are,” says e. e. Cummings. I always thought that it is one thing to grow old and another to grow up.
For my life, after I did badly in school during teenage days, I was growing old in desperation – always trying to stay afloat in the waves of despair. Desperation isn’t a bad thing – really – when you are drowning. It is survival. Survived I did – with multiple degrees and becoming good at my profession.
Yet, that was about growing old. Last year, it dawned on me that I was growing old because I was mindful of the conventions and fearful of the consequences if I were to step out of the edge into the unknown. I was, to say the least, living in the shadow.
And I was not alone.
Many are mindful of what their significant other think about them – and live in quiet submission. They have lost their sense of identity in order to make others happy. Others live in the shadow of their past, of a hurt that they have not come to terms with, and enter into the familiar patterns – again and again.
We also grow old living in other people’s expectation. I was a missionary for five years, a pastor for nine years and a counsellor in a church for about six years, not counting the years trying to achieve multiple degrees. I guess I grew old because I wanted to prove a point that I was not a scumbag as I thought I was.
I was, ahem, also an ordained minister – a Reverend. To Christians, a Reverend is a revered title. It means he can marry, bury, dunk people in water, pray for the sick and kiss babies. And he can also visit hospitals outside visitation hours and even be exempted from doing reservist training. Now, a pastor may not be a Reverend, but almost all Reverends are pastors or the likes of them.
To some holy Reverends, if people don’t address them as Reverends, it is considered insubordination. So, can you imagine my children saying to me, “Good night, Reverend Father Danny, may we kiss you with a holy kiss to say goodnight!” And I could say to them, “Good night, brother and sister children, the Lord takes delight in you because you obey your holy Reverend Father!”
At the end of last year, I did some serious thinking. I am not and will not be defined by what positions I have or the titles that I have obtained.
I am just me. I need not fit into the agenda and approval of anyone else.
I can be different. I have now more joy. I can make decisions without having to think if others would approve of me. And I discovered that I can have fun, be spontaneous and able to laugh more.
Because I can be me I can be different. When we lost the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. Living under the approval of someone else is a burden.
Just be yourself. Be you. Dance to your own music. And for those who can’t hear you, it’s their loss because it could be that they are not even making music at all, let alone dance.
Be yourself. And start to enjoy life.
May I have this dance?
For my life, after I did badly in school during teenage days, I was growing old in desperation – always trying to stay afloat in the waves of despair. Desperation isn’t a bad thing – really – when you are drowning. It is survival. Survived I did – with multiple degrees and becoming good at my profession.
Yet, that was about growing old. Last year, it dawned on me that I was growing old because I was mindful of the conventions and fearful of the consequences if I were to step out of the edge into the unknown. I was, to say the least, living in the shadow.
And I was not alone.
Many are mindful of what their significant other think about them – and live in quiet submission. They have lost their sense of identity in order to make others happy. Others live in the shadow of their past, of a hurt that they have not come to terms with, and enter into the familiar patterns – again and again.
We also grow old living in other people’s expectation. I was a missionary for five years, a pastor for nine years and a counsellor in a church for about six years, not counting the years trying to achieve multiple degrees. I guess I grew old because I wanted to prove a point that I was not a scumbag as I thought I was.
I was, ahem, also an ordained minister – a Reverend. To Christians, a Reverend is a revered title. It means he can marry, bury, dunk people in water, pray for the sick and kiss babies. And he can also visit hospitals outside visitation hours and even be exempted from doing reservist training. Now, a pastor may not be a Reverend, but almost all Reverends are pastors or the likes of them.
To some holy Reverends, if people don’t address them as Reverends, it is considered insubordination. So, can you imagine my children saying to me, “Good night, Reverend Father Danny, may we kiss you with a holy kiss to say goodnight!” And I could say to them, “Good night, brother and sister children, the Lord takes delight in you because you obey your holy Reverend Father!”
At the end of last year, I did some serious thinking. I am not and will not be defined by what positions I have or the titles that I have obtained.
I am just me. I need not fit into the agenda and approval of anyone else.
I can be different. I have now more joy. I can make decisions without having to think if others would approve of me. And I discovered that I can have fun, be spontaneous and able to laugh more.
Because I can be me I can be different. When we lost the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. Living under the approval of someone else is a burden.
Just be yourself. Be you. Dance to your own music. And for those who can’t hear you, it’s their loss because it could be that they are not even making music at all, let alone dance.
Be yourself. And start to enjoy life.
May I have this dance?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Just Be
When January came, I told myself that I was not ready for the new year. Now, we are in the middle of the second month and I am still not quite ready for February yet.
The past few days had been – very hectic, indeed, due to the festivities. There were lots of visitations, travelling and interacting with business partners.
Yes, we strive, do multi-task and get distracted. This morning, I messaged a dear friend only to discover that the message was quite disconnecting: all because my mind was cluttered and restless.
So, I am going to be – Just be.
For the next few hours, I am just going to ease up. Forget about facebook, or the iphone or answering messages. This is going to be – me time.
Me and me alone!
I am just going to quiet down and to feel what it means to just be – without the striving and the noise.
To find myself – and to be a human once again!
Shhh! Just be!
The past few days had been – very hectic, indeed, due to the festivities. There were lots of visitations, travelling and interacting with business partners.
Yes, we strive, do multi-task and get distracted. This morning, I messaged a dear friend only to discover that the message was quite disconnecting: all because my mind was cluttered and restless.
So, I am going to be – Just be.
For the next few hours, I am just going to ease up. Forget about facebook, or the iphone or answering messages. This is going to be – me time.
Me and me alone!
I am just going to quiet down and to feel what it means to just be – without the striving and the noise.
To find myself – and to be a human once again!
Shhh! Just be!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Response Ability
I come from a humble background. We didn’t have a lot of material things when we were young. The six of us (including our parents) lived and grew up together in a rented room. Hence, I grew up with a scarcity mentality – ie this world has only “so much” and I shouldn’t ask for more.
One day, while shopping, I was given a chance in to spin the wheel in a lucky draw. I did not win anything. However, I couldn’t help but notice that inside my head was a familiar voice saying, “These are just gimmicks to cheat you of your money!”
It then dawned on me that I have a mind-set of being a victim of circumstances (which was to protect me in order to survive in this harsh world). No wonder I was feeling unlucky, pessimistic and usually blame my circumstances for anything that went wrong. The world within me was gloomy – there were no colours at all.
Then one day, I attended a course on 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey) and heard the word “responsibility” in the training. Now you and I have heard this word countless times over. However, this was the first time I heard “Responsibility” as response-ability. I learned then that I need not react to situations but, instead, I can to respond to situations. In other words, I am the director of my own life and I write my own life script.
In short, I realised that while the past had a deep impact on me, it does not determine my future. I can create my own future. Knowing that gave me instant freedom as I would no longer be bound by circumstances, words, labels and criticisms. In fact, everyday ought to be a new day for me. How’s that for an interpretation of “today is the first day of the rest of your life?”
Today, I am a much happier person. I believe in the “abundance mentality” where there is enough to be shared with everybody and much more.
I also believe that no matter what the circumstances may be, I can still choose to respond in a way that determines my way forward – and in that, I can act based on my inner self instead of blaming on the externals. In other words, my locus of control is now internal and not external.
I am only too aware that however I choose to respond or to react depends on what I choose to see. As Oscar Wilde said,
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
We can either (1) look down and be depressed or (2) we can look up and see the shiny stars.
Either way, we are right! (“if you think you can, you are right. If you think you can’t, you are right too~Henry Ford)
One day, while shopping, I was given a chance in to spin the wheel in a lucky draw. I did not win anything. However, I couldn’t help but notice that inside my head was a familiar voice saying, “These are just gimmicks to cheat you of your money!”
It then dawned on me that I have a mind-set of being a victim of circumstances (which was to protect me in order to survive in this harsh world). No wonder I was feeling unlucky, pessimistic and usually blame my circumstances for anything that went wrong. The world within me was gloomy – there were no colours at all.
Then one day, I attended a course on 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey) and heard the word “responsibility” in the training. Now you and I have heard this word countless times over. However, this was the first time I heard “Responsibility” as response-ability. I learned then that I need not react to situations but, instead, I can to respond to situations. In other words, I am the director of my own life and I write my own life script.
In short, I realised that while the past had a deep impact on me, it does not determine my future. I can create my own future. Knowing that gave me instant freedom as I would no longer be bound by circumstances, words, labels and criticisms. In fact, everyday ought to be a new day for me. How’s that for an interpretation of “today is the first day of the rest of your life?”
Today, I am a much happier person. I believe in the “abundance mentality” where there is enough to be shared with everybody and much more.
I also believe that no matter what the circumstances may be, I can still choose to respond in a way that determines my way forward – and in that, I can act based on my inner self instead of blaming on the externals. In other words, my locus of control is now internal and not external.
I am only too aware that however I choose to respond or to react depends on what I choose to see. As Oscar Wilde said,
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
We can either (1) look down and be depressed or (2) we can look up and see the shiny stars.
Either way, we are right! (“if you think you can, you are right. If you think you can’t, you are right too~Henry Ford)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Flow of Talk
Making conversations can be more difficult than one could imagine. We hurt each other, not because we want too, but often it is because we are mindless.
A few days ago, a couple came to complaint against each other. John complained that Claire has always been very critical of him. What happened was that he came home excitedly after his first day at work. He told Claire that he was happy with his new boss and it seemed to him that his colleagues were nice people too. Then Claire replied, “I know you well enough. After a couple of days you would find fault at your boss and your colleagues. Actually, I doubt whether you would be happy in your new job anyway. You are always complaining and you will never change.” Here Claire was going against the flow of talk. John wanted to share the good news with Claire, but was criticised by her.
Later Claire shared she had a tough day at work with her boss, giving her a last minute assignment. John replied, “Let’s go for dinner now!” Here John was moving away from the flow of talk. Claire wanted a listening ear from John, but John ignored her.
Marital researchers claim that being mindless in our daily conversations that cause cracks in the relationship and eventually lead to its break-up.
Instead of going against or moving away from the flow of talk, conversations that connect intentionally go with the flow of talk. This is where the listener mindfully listens to the mood of the speaker and reflects that mood. The listener then takes a lead by asking a question.
For example, when Claire heard that John had a good day at work, she could say, “I am glad to hear that you are happy at work today!” (reflecting on John’s mood) and continued, “Let’s celebrate by dining at our favourite restaurant, shall we?” (taking lead).
When Claire shared concerning her bad hair day, John could reply by saying, “Oh I am sorry to hear that you have such a tough day!” (reflecting on Claire’s mood) and continued, “Come let me give you a hug!” (taking lead).
Being mindful in conversations really takes effort to listen to the person you are interacting. When you give time and space to listen, you are telling the person that he/she is important to you. Although you may not understand what’s going on in this person’s life, you are there to show support.
Mother Theresa once said, “The greatest tragedy in life is not about feeling unloved, but being ignored.”
I wonder what would happen if we would show a little kindness, by intentionally showing care to the person we talk to, to be mindful in going with the flow of talk.
Perhaps the world would be a kinder place to live in!
A few days ago, a couple came to complaint against each other. John complained that Claire has always been very critical of him. What happened was that he came home excitedly after his first day at work. He told Claire that he was happy with his new boss and it seemed to him that his colleagues were nice people too. Then Claire replied, “I know you well enough. After a couple of days you would find fault at your boss and your colleagues. Actually, I doubt whether you would be happy in your new job anyway. You are always complaining and you will never change.” Here Claire was going against the flow of talk. John wanted to share the good news with Claire, but was criticised by her.
Later Claire shared she had a tough day at work with her boss, giving her a last minute assignment. John replied, “Let’s go for dinner now!” Here John was moving away from the flow of talk. Claire wanted a listening ear from John, but John ignored her.
Marital researchers claim that being mindless in our daily conversations that cause cracks in the relationship and eventually lead to its break-up.
Instead of going against or moving away from the flow of talk, conversations that connect intentionally go with the flow of talk. This is where the listener mindfully listens to the mood of the speaker and reflects that mood. The listener then takes a lead by asking a question.
For example, when Claire heard that John had a good day at work, she could say, “I am glad to hear that you are happy at work today!” (reflecting on John’s mood) and continued, “Let’s celebrate by dining at our favourite restaurant, shall we?” (taking lead).
When Claire shared concerning her bad hair day, John could reply by saying, “Oh I am sorry to hear that you have such a tough day!” (reflecting on Claire’s mood) and continued, “Come let me give you a hug!” (taking lead).
Being mindful in conversations really takes effort to listen to the person you are interacting. When you give time and space to listen, you are telling the person that he/she is important to you. Although you may not understand what’s going on in this person’s life, you are there to show support.
Mother Theresa once said, “The greatest tragedy in life is not about feeling unloved, but being ignored.”
I wonder what would happen if we would show a little kindness, by intentionally showing care to the person we talk to, to be mindful in going with the flow of talk.
Perhaps the world would be a kinder place to live in!
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