Be There

This week, Singapore mourns the passing of Kwa Geok Choo, the wife of the first Prime Minister of Singapore and the mother of her current Prime Minister.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew had commented that "she was always there when I needed her."

It's easy to be connected with your loved ones when life is a bed of roses. However, the test comes when life throws its thorns at you. Singapore would not be what she is today without Mr Lee. Mr Lee would not be what he is without her. In short, the tests that he faced, they faced together. Without her, the outcome would have been so much different. Such, is the power of being there for another person.

As I look back on my own life, I will always be grateful for three persons who were there with me. When I was travelling with the ship Doulos, every night I would visit Henk in his cabin and we would chat for an hour or so. He was always there when I needed someone to talk to.

Summer, rain, winter or fall, Anders and I would always try to wake up at 5 am and jog; though, I do confess, that was not always the case. There were a few times where the temperature was freezing and I would walk into his cabin to wake him up but he would tell me that he was tired. Deep down, I was relieved not to have to go jogging on those mornings but most of the time Anders would encourage me when I did not have the motivation to do so. Anders was there when I needed a jogging partner

Then there was Alton, with whom I touched base in church now and then. We once served together for one week in Vietnam during a teaching trip. During that week, we had tea and chatted till almost midnight every night. We spoke on everything under the moon. Alton was a very special intelligent young man. I learned the word "artificial intelligence" from him. Alton was there when I need a sounding board.

Friends encourage your strengths and accept your weaknesses. They always believe in you and stay with you in times of adversity.

In our fast paced technology world, we seem to be busier than before. Sometimes we spend more time to keep up with the latest gadgets, leaving no space nor energy left to connect with friends.

Henry Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

If we look intentionally, we may find someone who lives a life of quiet desperation. You can be there for that someone and make a difference by bringing out that song in them?

Make someone's day!

Be there!

Small Stuff

“Would you like to renew your membership, sir?” the cashier asked dutifully.

This is the fourth time she asked me the past two months. I said to her that she had asked me the same question three times before.

My membership is not due till Christmas and I was not ready to part with my $30 yet. And I said, “No!”

My curiosity got the better of me and I asked why she would ask customers to renew their membership so early. With a sad look, she said that she had to meet quota.

I could imagine that the the many customers she asked, many turned her down, and hence the sad disposition.

Then I thought “Why not?”

That’s where I said, “Yes” and her face lighted up.

Christmas comes early for her. In turn, Christmas comes early for me, too!

When I looked back, I realised that I nearly lost an opportunity to show kindness – a small deed goes a long way.

Mother Teresa says, “We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”

This week, do a small thing and make a person’s day with your great love!

And see the difference!

Strengths

For the longest time, I have been puzzled by the details of everyday life. Being a person who is not good with details, I would often need someone to tell me what was happening in a movie or a TV show. I even got the characters mixed up. Now, even I mistook TV commercials for new shows.

With all sincerity, I tried to organise myself, my things and no matter how hard I tried, I am lost in the whirlpool of details. I tried Outlook calendar, PDA and reminders…yet could not keep up the speed.

My DISC profile says I am not a person of detail. Period.

If you are like me, I got a piece of news for you: You can keep trying improving on your weaknesses until the cow comes home and still be struggling.

So I say: forget it.

Instead, enjoy whatever you are doing. And do whatever you are enjoying.

There are lots of people out there who love to do what you hate to do. And hate to do the stuff you love to do.

Whatever you love and enjoy doing and keep doing it – soon, your strengths will expand and you will become very good at what you are doing.

So what about your weaknesses?

Focus on your strengths. Farm out your weaknesses.

And if you have people who are willing to support your weaknesses with their strengths, your name shall be called "lucky."

That’s why we are so different from each other.

That’s why we should not complain about these differences…but to celebrate the differences.

Next time, when you see your partner being different, compliment him instead of crticising his uniqueness.

Try it!

And see the difference!

Faith

The voice inside says, “You won’t make any difference! You can’t make it! You might as well give it all up!” Sometimes when the voice gets louder, our confidence diminishes – and we learn to believe that it is, indeed, helpless – and hopeless.

Such is the effect of fear! It cripples our rationality, hijacks our emotions and leaves us vulnerable.

Fear causes us to run away as far as our little legs can carry us. No wonder it is exhausting when we are fearful.

We are surrounded by people who are fearful. Thankfully, not all of them ended up defeated. When Singapore was ousted out of Malaysia many years ago, Lee Kuan Yew had many reasons to be fearful. Yet, he could have despaired and gave up.

But he didn’t. Because his fears put him to work, I am enjoying the best of what Singapore is today.

When we hear such stories, we are both impressed and inspired by them.

It is because we can identify these stories of faith and courage – and yes, deep inside, you are a person of faith.

Don’t let fear to cause you to run away from your faith.

When fear comes knocking at your door – answer it with faith.

Because faith says the future is different.

And you can make a difference!

Getting out of my way

A series of unfortunate events happened the past year. Strangely, I don’t regret what had happened or not happened. If, I were much younger, I would have panic and probably end up taking psychiatric drugs. But at the moment, I am feeling calm.

While I can’t change what’s outside of me, I can change myself. And I will let events roll naturally, so that I will get out of my way in trying too hard to make things happen – which usually would end up in frustration or disappointment, if I stand in my own way.

Hence away from the noise of events, all I see on the mirror is my reflection. When nothing happens, one tends to move with more haste. Strangely, or against common logic, a quiet calmness enveloped me as I thought, “nothing really needs to happen at this time! All I need to do is just be and be tender to myself.”

It is when I get out of my way and in stillness, I can listen to my own soul and say, “I love you!”

And that’s very precious!

When everything changes

It has been many many moons since I last wrote.

I wish that I can say that I am busy and that business has been thriving. Yesterday, I asked my daughter what I should write in my blog, and she said that I should just express my feelings. So I decided to pen my feelings in this brief space.

Actually nothing much has been happening. Murphy’s Laws says, “whatever will go wrong, will go wrong!” It seems that Uncle Murphy has been visiting a lot lately.

And sometimes, that can be very worrisome!

Writer Neale Walsch says that the three biggies of change are those of finance, relationships and health. He knows what he is saying about because these three changes affected him and he had to remain homeless for more than a year.

While I am not experiencing the intensity of his hardship, everything seems to have changed this year.

His book, When everything changes, change everything, will be my solace.

This week, as September Autumn hits the earth, it’s time to let go the past.

And re-start my life.

One day at a time!

When everything changes, change everything!

Don't Move, Just Be!

Very quickly, more than three months had passed by this year. I have learned to value mistakes and appreciate friends. I have found that failures allow me to be humble and reflect on the core values of my being.

Looking back at past failures caused me to realise how far I have come. Failures are part and parcel of life. Although disappointment comes in many ways, I need not stay in the puddle of self-disappointment forever.

I have learnt that it is fine just to dwell in negative feelings and not fight them in order to feel better. Feelings convey messages. I just need to be there and ask what these negative feelings are trying to tell me. In a way, these feelings tell me that it takes a lot to manage the unknown, the uncertainly. However, not being in control could be one of the most liberating things in life. It means that when I wait long enough, things will unpack on their own and clarity will return.

I am thankful for friends and people who come into my clinic to teach me these valuable lessons. Lessons of stillness, lessons of pain mingled with hope. And when darkness turns into dawn, the ray of light is just around the corner. There is always hope ahead!

So, don’t give up. Winter has now given way to Spring. Here we see the flowers budding. Soon, Summer will arrive – bringing both sunshine and warmth.

If you are feeling depressed over the unknown, don’t do anything. Just be. Be tender to yourself. Life is cold. Soon, the sun will shine.

Don’t move, just stay there. The landscape will be brighter, the air will be fresher. And soon, you will hear laughter once again. And find hope.

And life!