Be Yourself

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are,” says e. e. Cummings. I always thought that it is one thing to grow old and another to grow up.

For my life, after I did badly in school during teenage days, I was growing old in desperation – always trying to stay afloat in the waves of despair. Desperation isn’t a bad thing – really – when you are drowning. It is survival. Survived I did – with multiple degrees and becoming good at my profession.

Yet, that was about growing old. Last year, it dawned on me that I was growing old because I was mindful of the conventions and fearful of the consequences if I were to step out of the edge into the unknown. I was, to say the least, living in the shadow.

And I was not alone.

Many are mindful of what their significant other think about them – and live in quiet submission. They have lost their sense of identity in order to make others happy. Others live in the shadow of their past, of a hurt that they have not come to terms with, and enter into the familiar patterns – again and again.

We also grow old living in other people’s expectation. I was a missionary for five years, a pastor for nine years and a counsellor in a church for about six years, not counting the years trying to achieve multiple degrees. I guess I grew old because I wanted to prove a point that I was not a scumbag as I thought I was.

I was, ahem, also an ordained minister – a Reverend. To Christians, a Reverend is a revered title. It means he can marry, bury, dunk people in water, pray for the sick and kiss babies. And he can also visit hospitals outside visitation hours and even be exempted from doing reservist training. Now, a pastor may not be a Reverend, but almost all Reverends are pastors or the likes of them.

To some holy Reverends, if people don’t address them as Reverends, it is considered insubordination. So, can you imagine my children saying to me, “Good night, Reverend Father Danny, may we kiss you with a holy kiss to say goodnight!” And I could say to them, “Good night, brother and sister children, the Lord takes delight in you because you obey your holy Reverend Father!”

At the end of last year, I did some serious thinking. I am not and will not be defined by what positions I have or the titles that I have obtained.

I am just me. I need not fit into the agenda and approval of anyone else.

I can be different. I have now more joy. I can make decisions without having to think if others would approve of me. And I discovered that I can have fun, be spontaneous and able to laugh more.

Because I can be me I can be different. When we lost the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. Living under the approval of someone else is a burden.

Just be yourself. Be you. Dance to your own music. And for those who can’t hear you, it’s their loss because it could be that they are not even making music at all, let alone dance.

Be yourself. And start to enjoy life.

May I have this dance?

Just Be

When January came, I told myself that I was not ready for the new year. Now, we are in the middle of the second month and I am still not quite ready for February yet.

The past few days had been – very hectic, indeed, due to the festivities. There were lots of visitations, travelling and interacting with business partners.

Yes, we strive, do multi-task and get distracted. This morning, I messaged a dear friend only to discover that the message was quite disconnecting: all because my mind was cluttered and restless.

So, I am going to be – Just be.

For the next few hours, I am just going to ease up. Forget about facebook, or the iphone or answering messages. This is going to be – me time.

Me and me alone!

I am just going to quiet down and to feel what it means to just be – without the striving and the noise.

To find myself – and to be a human once again!

Shhh! Just be!

Response Ability

I come from a humble background. We didn’t have a lot of material things when we were young. The six of us (including our parents) lived and grew up together in a rented room. Hence, I grew up with a scarcity mentality – ie this world has only “so much” and I shouldn’t ask for more.

One day, while shopping, I was given a chance in to spin the wheel in a lucky draw. I did not win anything. However, I couldn’t help but notice that inside my head was a familiar voice saying, “These are just gimmicks to cheat you of your money!”

It then dawned on me that I have a mind-set of being a victim of circumstances (which was to protect me in order to survive in this harsh world). No wonder I was feeling unlucky, pessimistic and usually blame my circumstances for anything that went wrong. The world within me was gloomy – there were no colours at all.

Then one day, I attended a course on 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey) and heard the word “responsibility” in the training. Now you and I have heard this word countless times over. However, this was the first time I heard “Responsibility” as response-ability. I learned then that I need not react to situations but, instead, I can to respond to situations. In other words, I am the director of my own life and I write my own life script.

In short, I realised that while the past had a deep impact on me, it does not determine my future. I can create my own future. Knowing that gave me instant freedom as I would no longer be bound by circumstances, words, labels and criticisms. In fact, everyday ought to be a new day for me. How’s that for an interpretation of “today is the first day of the rest of your life?”

Today, I am a much happier person. I believe in the “abundance mentality” where there is enough to be shared with everybody and much more.

I also believe that no matter what the circumstances may be, I can still choose to respond in a way that determines my way forward – and in that, I can act based on my inner self instead of blaming on the externals. In other words, my locus of control is now internal and not external.

I am only too aware that however I choose to respond or to react depends on what I choose to see. As Oscar Wilde said,
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
We can either (1) look down and be depressed or (2) we can look up and see the shiny stars.

Either way, we are right! (“if you think you can, you are right. If you think you can’t, you are right too~Henry Ford)